I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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