Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
