i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
