I heard we made out
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
