some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Randomize
