Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
