So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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