I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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