That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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