I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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