I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this will be a night to untag.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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