It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
