We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
