Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
high people should be assigned attendants
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
