another moral hangover. fuck.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
