its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
