Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I will die if light touches me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
