do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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