They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
