The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
