Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
