I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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