i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
