remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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