Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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