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this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
