3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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