This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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