Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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