Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
