meet me or not, i'm out of control
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize