like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize