this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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