i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
