The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
