just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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