I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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