Swine flu. Run for my life!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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