I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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