I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
