Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
