my phone needs a breathalizer
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize