So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
