Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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