I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
