the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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