Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
