i already hear my dad disowning me
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
