When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
