i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
