he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
