tell your sister to shave her snatch
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize