3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
