just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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