I just made out with a guy for $7.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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