Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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