dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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