SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
